I woke up feeling numb, early in the morning for sahur (pre dawn meal). For the first rime I had rice. Whatever! Killing off all the thoughts battling in the mind. During the fajr prayers my mind went wild with the memories of my late father in law. We will go through this Ramadhan without him and felt for the first time his absent in our life. His family and relatives did not really keen of him and I am here among those who hate him. I was not sure I wanted to be here .
The memories of him are too much and the loss is still painful. I have lost the reason to be in this place. I would go back to the empty patio without the sound of a broken desk fan. No more yesterday’s newspapers that he regularly went out to buy each morning. Nothing’s around just a dusty desk and filthy cushions that the cats used to sleep. No more —- “ Din sapa bila? (When did you arrive?); nothing, the air was thick and quiet. I crossed my arms and squeezed my chest and felt like it gonna explode and burst with melancholy.
The sun rose as quickly as it sent the night away; so I felt as the sunshine started to heat up the room. I got up and realised that my Pa is really not here. What a sad feeling.