Redefining happiness

 
A lot of my friends feel bad whenever I posted a sad day at the office. Well, I apologize for making you all uncomfortable with my status. At the same time, I feel awkward as being sad is not always a bad thing in life. Some people like to laugh  all the time, as laughing is a gesture of happy feeling. Unfortunately I don’t laugh when I’m happy and am perfectly fine with it. I am not sure, though, if the world will laugh with me some day. If someone can’t understand why a person like to be sad, let me tell you why. Being sad makes me feel used and manipulated. A victim of circumstances that triggers a sense of guilt. Feeling guilty is always related to sinful acts where the next thing to do is to repent or taubah. The state of taubah makes you move closer to Allah and I love that very much. That in turn makes me happy. A strange path to happiness, isn’t it? Well some people celebrate happiness differently.
When you struggle to manage people; you will end up learning more about your own shortcomings.  You want people to follow rules only to find out you yourself have a hard time to keep up with that; and broke the rules altogether sometime. You want people to be fast and responsive when a task is given only to find that you yourself will need time to think to avoid mistakes. Because you know a mistake will bring henceforth terrible circumstances. You want people to be objective when facing an issue only to find that you yourself can’t keep your anger under control. You want people to arrive early at the meeting only to find that you yourself can’t make it on time all the time. After some time you will realize that we are human that live with a lot of shortcomings. We need help to manage those shortcomings. And now I need to learn how to be more forgivable to let people manage their life properly so that they won’t make any mistake when it comes to resolve issues at work. I need to find my bag full of patience and passion; which is still missing……..
In whatever circumstance and for whatever reasons my life and work has to go on. Alhamdulillah I have a beautiful family; a lovely wife, awesome children and even outstanding PIL. A home as a place of solitude to find inner peace and strength. And having a cat that  comes home once a while. People say I am a loner. Yes that’s close enough that I am a loner but I am not lonely. I like to do my own things , my own way. It would be stressful for me to do things following other people’s way; because I have to stretch myself to measure up with their capacity. I hate that. When I was a child I used to do that to follow friends doing everything that they do so I can be their friend. I was never able to keep up and always falling behind. I was  a loser most of the time. In a playing field where a group of boys are playing football you would never find me there; in a crowd watching them playing cheering and clapping you would also never find me there. Maybe if you look beyond the crowd behind one the trees you may find a little boy sitting alone on the edge of the trunk, looking excited. That might be me. Keeping a distance from the crowd but would like to have the same fun and feeling the same excitement. Now , after all those painful years, I have come to realize that I can lead my own life and put forward my own footsteps. I want to enjoy my “freedom” with or without people around me. At last ,I know ,I can be happy as well and life isn’t that bad after all.

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