As the new year celebrations are still hot in the air,the first day of the third month is already here. Even my new year’s resolutions are still in the making and two months have already gone. How the time fly so fast bypassing your thoughts and actions. A lot of things have happened since my last entry so much so that I give up altogether putting them here. Let they remain in the memory for as long as the memory can serve me. Sometime we want some of the things to be forgotten after a while. Let bygone be a bygone. Computer memory on the othe hand is permanent in the sense that they will be there for as long as facebook is there or google remains relevant; theoretically computer memory can last forever. So you see forgetfulness is sometime good for us as not everything we want to last forever.
OK, life has been treating me fairly if not ideally. I feel good about myself and my family. A lot of good things have been happening to us not to exclude the unfortunate circumstances. They are inevitable most of the time. I feel strong inside with my relation to Allah, Alhamdulillah, nothing else matters anymore because when things get out of hands I would drop everything and go into my prayers to regain my inner peace and tranquility. They are not merely words to fill up my thoughts anymore but my trusted life line to keep me going from a second to another second. I feel so great as if I just found Allah after so many years asking where is my God ? He is indeed very close to me all this while. The problem was I did not look properly, honestly and sincerely. I just followed whatever people say and do; without meaning and the true purpose of the actions. It is hard to formulate the path to Allah because everything about it comes from within your inner most heart and soul. Although the Quran and Ahadeeth are there to guide, we sometimes lost in the middle of the journey due to out of focus and lack of purpose. We are confused most of the time and abandon the journey half way. My advice is to keep looking and insyaAllah He will show the way. I have been trying to change my working life ( the eight hours per day at the office) to be within my spiritual perspectives but it is a constant challenge. The meetings are always dragged beyond the sound of azan, inter activities with people in the department are not always ‘clean and clear from bad intentions’, decisions sometime questionable, etc. Sometime I wish to stop all these and retreat to a place where nature and divinity are part of the ecosystem. I guess early retirement is the right word. But that would be an eternity in my calendar.
Work is hectic, endless and just a massive load of craps. Not that I hate my job, to be fair to myself and everyone around me, but why should I have to put up a constant struggle to protect my feeling of liking this job? My job is to run a small department within a faculty; a simple one ,you might say. And it should be simple and enjoyable stuff, but in reality it’s far beyond that. I am on leave for the past few days to catch up a brief break before the start of new semester next week; but the work keeps coming through the phone, the internet and today I ended up in a meeting room talking about work some more. I don’t mind to come over because I love my work but then that will breach my pledge to give myself a break. That kind of conflicting actions that challenge my true purpose of working.
Boring, isn’t it? Well that’s my life, hope yours is a lot better than mine. But whatever it is, find your way to Allah because everything else won’t matter. Good luck.