When the fcuk-off letter is here

Today I was officially given the letter “ Ucapan Penghargaan dan Terima kasih” ( aka the fcuk-off letter) that will end my brief tenure at this place called InED. I have no regret just disappointment for this brief period of my long career path holds a contrasting perspective of life and work; humanity and responsibility. When I came to this place less than a year ago, I was overly excited as I thought it could get me to know the world. Usually the work involves visiting the many franchised colleges that run UiTM’s programs; and they are all over Malaysia. Hoping for sunshine to last till the evening but the rain came in the afternoon (ku harap panas hingga kepetang tapi rupanya hujan di tengahari….). something like that. Actually I was not expecting much in the first place but once you got into it you would like to give it the best and as a human you expect nothing less in return. I think I have to work on that a bit more— the part to expect something in return because this is usually where the pain begins; people don’t always give what you expect for sometime they have no ability to do so.

My career path is like a journey that I’m on. I saw this opportunity that I thought would take me somewhere in my journey so I grabbed it. It’s not going my way; I knew that for a fact but I embarked on it anyway only to know I was up for a bumpy ride. Let me put it another way; I was heading to KB; that was my aim and without any doubt I knew I would get there. For the moment there was no bus going to KB, so I have to wait for God knows when. A friend told me to get on this bus going to Kuantan and maybe from Kuantan there would be easier to find another bus going to KB. I guessed it was OK so I hopped on. Ironically I knew the driver, ok this is going to be a smooth ride after all. There were many passengers in the bus and I thought they were all going to Kuantan. As I went in to find a seat I realized many of them did not like the driver due to his reckless driving. Soon I found these people are a bunch of really nice people; caring and like to share their food with each other. They gossip the driver a lot though. I was quite comfortable sitting and chatting as I was accepted right away. I learned a lot from these people even though we met in this brief bumpy bus ride. Many of them are older than me so they treat me like their younger brother. I felt so honored to be working with these people ; but soon the bus will reach Kuantan and whether I like it or not my journey will end there. As we reach Kuantan the driver just kicked me out because he said I did not have the ticket and some other reasons that I did not understand myself. OK I am going just don’t push it. That what makes it so bitter, so fcuking bitter.

Back in the faculty the Dean asked me to hold a HOD position. For some reasons I can’t say no In UiTm a no is a big sin; as it means your refusal to accept responsibility to the university which is punishable by “ academic death”. You’re finished. So I said , let me think about it; and she said, OK but you must start now. That was about two weeks ago and I have been attending meetings and events without any formal appointment letter. It’s kind of hard because it’s like going to a battle without any weapon; what I can do is to avoid any attack and save my ass. As of now I have started to realize that this position is not a piece of pecan pie, soon my ass will burn. But the problem is why that letter has not arrive. The appointment is from Deputy VC office and it should be here now. I guess they must be waiting to see what the future will look like; will it turn yellow? Yellow means trouble and we don’t want trouble makers to hold any admin post, do we? What can I say? I do have an invitation to an event on the 9th in KL and out of respect to the hosts , I might dress yellow. It’s clean(bersih?) and beautiful. So let’s see what the future holds.

In the meantime I will keep this letter close to my heart as a reminder not to expect too much of anything. Do it as a good deed for the sake of Allah.

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